Life | Searching for Shards of Light

June 1, 2018

This week has flown past me, and at the same time — it hasn’t gone by nearly fast enough.

A quick recap followed by some reflections at the end…

 

Sat – Sun | Memorial Day Flop

This problem now feels trivial compared to the two that followed, but it definitely had a hand in knocking our foundation off course. Our full weekend of delightful plans were dashed when Gerard had an urgent work project pop up on Saturday morning. He ended up having to be holed up in his “cloffice” at 8am and besides a quick break for dinner, he wasn’t able to leave his computer until 2 o’clock in the morning! His travel schedule for work has started to pick back up again lately, so we were both really looking forward to (aka: counting on) the quality time to refill our love-tanks. I tried to force myself to rest while he was busy, but ended up feeling really frustrated and lonely and stir-crazy by the end of the day. Luckily, our neighbors-slash-family came to the rescue like they usually do and I was very grateful for the impromptu happy hour that popped up while everyone  strolled the block that evening.

Mon – Weds | New Safe Families Kiddo

This part is a little hard to write about because of privacy reasons, but the little girl that we got placed with on Monday afternoon ended up being our most lively little babe so far. We were originally told that we’d be receiving a 1-year-old but after spending a few days together, it’s hard to believe that she was any less than 2 1/2! Smart, fun and quite self-sufficient, but an age that proved to be challenging for two people who aren’t used to being full-time parents. Since we typically host younger babies in our home, we were not as equipped as we’d like to be — in bedtime routine or appropriate bottle sizes. 🙂 The funniest thing that happened (though a bit frightening in the moment) was when she unexpectedly catapulted her self out of the crib in our guest room, opened the door by herself, and marched across the hall while screaming at the top of her lungs! Needless to say, there was hardly any sleep for three days straight and I still can’t remember if I showered or ate during the entire time she was here.

Thurs – Fri | Doggie Gets Sick

Gerard and I woke up to some very frightening symptoms in our sweet Sadie Mae yesterday morning. We ended up spending the entire day at the emergency animal hospital and were completely focused on trying to keep her stable while we the vets worked to figure out what was wrong. After finally ruling out some horribly scary diagnoses (and then sleeping with her on the floor so I could keep an eye on her vital signs) we are finally back home from more testing at the vet and she’s looking a little better as each hour passes. It was most likely a dangerous reaction to the routine rabies vaccine that she had on Wednesday, but we’re keeping an eye on her and waiting for more test results just to be sure. Meanwhile, my own health problems have flared up a bit from the stress of everything, but I’m hoping that our rest today will have us both on the mend in no time.

—–

I still feel a little overwhelmed from seeing nearly all of the constants in my life become flipped upside down this week. My marriage, my sleep, my work routine, my fur-baby and my health are all things that I probably take for granted more often than I’d like to admit.

Now that things are on the mend and I’m recovering from the adrenaline shock, my heart is filled with more gratitude than I ever thought possible.

The prayers for Sadie ALONE were enough to make me ugly-cry to my BFF today about how much love our little family has felt from such incredibly kind friends. The diapers drop-offs and dinner offers have blown us away, and I never thought I’d be on the receiving end of so much helpful parenting advice! My ridiculously sweet husband has shown SO much support amidst his own very full week, and I’m happy to report that he’s promising to make up for the quality time that he skipped out on last weekend. 🙂

Beyond all of the support though, there’s something even more notable that has carried me through this week. Aside from our precious family, a caring community or even snuggles from the pup that currently has her head in my lap…

Each and every time something seemed to explode in my face, I was forced to sit down and regroup after the dust had settled. Partially from exhaustion, but mostly because I had no idea what else to do besides the ONLY thing that ever really brings me peace amidst turmoil: Grabbing my journal and a pen so that I could blurt out my prayers in the form of black ink. Sounds trite as I type it, but it’s just the plain truth.

Writing works best because it forces my thoughts to slow down to match the pace of my pen — creating space so I can clearly hear the responses that are placed upon my heart.

The words of comfort from my creator have felt like such generous gifts amidst the ups and downs of the past few days. I wish I could tell you each and every story of how I’ve tangibly felt the presence of God this week, but for now I only have enough time and energy left to say this:

Everyone experiences the love of God differently, and whether we’re reminded through shrieks of joy or shards of light or full-body shivers running up and down your spine, my prayer is that you’re able to believe the truth of your identity amidst both the bright and the broken.

I want you to know that you’re never alone… Even when it feels like your day or your week or your entire season says otherwise.

The One Who Made You is never more than a whisper away (written or not) and I’m SO grateful to have heard/felt/seen the magic amidst the storms this week.

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1 Comment

  • Reply Renee June 9, 2018 at 3:33 am

    Lovely, thank you.

    While I am not quite sure, it sounds like you might be respite or emergency foster parents for infants and toddlers. Your description rang very familiar. My husband and I were the long term foster parents for the same age group for 8 years. We cared for over 12 babies for 6-18 months each and I remember the unique personalities of these children who taught my family so much (We also had 5&7 year old daughters at the time and these same girls are now 21/23).

    All I can say is hold on tight and enjoy the ride, Jessie.

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