I spent about 3 1/2 hours writing a really long heartfelt post for you today. The words were flowing SO well, even the punctuation was present and accounted for… I stood up from the computer to run the dog outside (maybe 5 mins tops) and when I sat back down the entire draft was gone. The only thing I can think of is that the universe is finally trying to teach me the importance of brevity, and either way — my fingers are crossed that the second version is even better (or at the very least, a little shorter).
Isn’t it funny how some of life’s biggest answers are just simple responses to a “yes or no” question?
My decision to marry Gerard was an easy one, but there have been plenty of moments where I’ve frantically wondered if we made the right choice.
(It might sound dramatic or disrespectful if you stop reading after that last sentence, but I need you to know that it’s all part of the story.)
Our hearts were so tender and hopeful an entire decade ago — we had no idea what the world had in store for us and no clue how to begin blending our lives.
Thankfully, growing up together has turned out to be a beautiful thing but even the best gardener knows that pulling up weeds is a necessary mess.
So back to the wondering… When the really hard moments hit, it’s SO easy to waffle between doubt and hope but here’s why I’ve learned not to mind it so much:
Remembering back to that initial question is what repeatedly gives us the opportunity to choose each other again and again.
Will you marry me was what started it all, but the asking gets more complicated as we keep pressing forward…
Are we going to be okay?
Is this enough?
Do you hear what I’m saying?
Will you still love me if we have Mexican food AGAIN for dinner tonight?
I’m still mystified by how we’ve managed to keep saying Yes after all this time, but I mean it more NOW than I did on our wedding day ten years ago.
Marriage is the most beautiful, most difficult, and most hilarious thing I’ve ever experienced… it has opened me up and emptied me out. It has forced me to take a good hard look at how I interact with the world and filled me up in ways I never thought possible.
It’s true that some days I wake up hurt or mad or annoyed by the dirty dishes still in the sink from the night before, but I ALWAYS wake up with a Yes to loving you with 100% of my grateful and adoring heart.
Gerard, nothing makes me feel more honored or delighted that you invited me to say Yes an entire decade ago. Getting to be your wife is my biggest joy, and while ten years certainly seems like a pretty big deal? I love thinking about the fact that spending forever with you sounds even a trillion times better. Here’s to several more decades of good decisions, and please say YES when I ask you to join me for hot yoga on our getaway this weekend! 😘