On a Sunday morning several months ago, I found myself listening to a message at our church with my head down and huge tears streaming down my cheeks.
After just pushing through a particularly anxiety-ridden week of work, my stress felt like a ticking time-bomb simply counting down the moments until the familiar grip of a panic attack could clamp it’s wiry hands around my neck.
I was far from being able to focus on what was going on around me, and the guilt of not being able to pay attention was chiming in with the rest of the self-criticism that was already clanging around in my head. The result was a cacophony of some of the most mean-hearted and scalding insults that I could ever imagine. I wish I could say that these moments are a rarity for me, but they tend to come and go at their own will and hardly ever seem to listen to my pleading for mercy.
For whatever reason, this particular morning happened to be more painful than normal, and after letting the negative noise reach it’s ultimate peak, I noticed that I had unknowingly started to mentally repeat one single word over and over again in my head. (Later realizing that it provided an odd sense of comfort to have something else begin to drown out the noise…)
It started out sounding angry and resentful, but after a handful of times changed to a firmer, more serious version of it’s previous self.
The little three-letter-word continued to soften even more as it got tired, and finally it became whisper-y and cracked as it accepted defeat.
And then silence…
In the negative space that sudden calm often creates, I felt a form of stillness that was almost more staggering than the original commotion all together.
Among the new quiet appeared a series of frames featuring the answers to a question that has driven my heart and mind since then…
My Faith is my Why.
Gerard & Sadie are my Why’s .
My relationships and connections with family and friends are my Why’s.
After quite a bit of reflection on this seemingly simple concept, I’ve come to learn many new things about myself and my business and can now acknowledge that the act of identifying, serving and celebrating my why’s has given me a much more stable sense of peace than I’ve had in the past handful of years.
I’m excited to continue sharing more about how this new-found clarity will be impacting the things that I’m passionate about, and I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again…
I love the chance to be able to give little glimpses of my heart and my life with you here, and when it comes to Style & Pepper, YOU are my why. :)