Life // Things I’m afraid to tell you…

May 14, 2012

If you’ve been clicking around the blogosphere recently, you may have seen Jess’s Things I’m Afraid To Tell You post that Ez turned into a “movement”, and now my dear friend and fellow blogger Meg Biram (of MIMI + MEG) has gotten another group of gals together who thought it might be interesting to add to the conversation.  It seems like the move towards a more transparent and honest way of blogging is something that we may start to see more often, and even though it may look like I know how to style up an outfit or put a blog post together, it doesn’t mean that I live in some perfectly designed life.

Sharing these little snippets of my personal life with you is not meant to elicit any response or pity (I’m even tempted to turn off the comments), but instead it’s meant to show that we’re all real people with our own issues, and having a blog does not make us immune to any part of the “real” world.

So without further ado – Some stuff that I would ordinarily be afraid to tell you, after the jump…

  • I’m not as healthy as I may seem.  I love eating healthy and talking/writing about nutrition and fitness, but I have a few unfortunate chronic health issues that I’ve been dealing with for the past several years.  Specifically over the last six months or so, some new stuff has cropped up that is physically painful and obnoxiously affects my day to day life, and no doctors have really been able to figure out what is wrong with me yet.  This is embarrassing to me because of my keen interest in wellness, and I can’t seem to help but feel like a Debbie Downer by talking about it with those who are close to me (including you guys).
  • I struggle with anxiety and depression.  Due to some of the ongoing physical issues I’ve encountered (especially my significant hormone imbalance) combined with significant life-changes/trauma, I’ve had some real ups and downs in the mental health realm, as well.  I’ve been on and off multiple different anti-depressants (off for the last almost-two-years, though!), but I still struggle with occasional panic attacks and intense depression symptoms.  Things feel mostly under control for the time being, but I sometimes feel like I could “break” at any moment, and I hate living in fear like that.  I also hate that my precious husband takes the brunt of these ups and downs, and although he’s the best at calming me down, I end up with a TON of guilt when an attack hits and he’s nearby.
  • I’m ridiculously hard on myself when it comes to my work.  My business is very project oriented, which means that I naturally have periods of time that are slower than others.  When things aren’t quite as busy as normal (or as busy as I’d like them to be), I tend to beat myself up about my career.  I know that I don’t deserve that after working so hard to position myself in a job doing something that I love so much.  I’ve been noticing recently that I “punish” myself into working harder, by using negative self-talk and unfairly comparing myself to others, and that is SO not okay.  I’m so thankful for my career, but being a creative entrepreneur is ridiculously competitive and I think that working for myself for the past 2.5 years has somehow made me hold myself to an unattainably higher standard than I should.

Welp, there you have it!  Phew… That was really difficult to type all of that out, but that’s exactly the point of the post, and thanks for even getting this far if you’re still reading. :) I’m so grateful to have a space to share snippets of my life here with you, and want to thank you in advance for your understanding and compassion.  If I can encourage even just one other person by helping them to know that they’re not alone in struggling with any of the above, then the squirming this post is causing me is totally worth it.

I’d definitely recommend that you to take a peek at the posts of the other bloggers participating in this most recent round (listed below), and if you’d like to join in the movement, feel free to share your own “scary bits” here in the comments.

List of participating bloggers for Wave No.2
Cassie: Coco + Kelley / Christine: Court & Hudson / Caitlin: Sacramento Street / Roxy: My Cup of Te / Crystal: Blog / Meg: MIMI+MEG / Ashlina: The Decorista / Katie: Modern Eve / Erin: Apartment 34 / Erica: Design Blahg / Victoria: Vmac & Cheese / Christine: Miles to Style / Franki: Life in a Venti Cup  / Sue: The Zhush / Erika: Radiant Republic / Gabrielle: Savvy Home / Monika: The Doctor’s Closet / Naomi: Design Manifest /Tobe: Because It’s Awesome / Becca: {extra}ordinary wonders / Lynzy: Sparkling Footsteps / Hitha: Hitha On The Go / Sarah: Note To Self / Liz: So Much To Smile About / Sarah: Blogstar / Alissa: The Goods Design / Jessie: Style & Pepper / Erika: Small Shop Studio  / AV: Long Distance Loving / Maggie: Maggie Rose Blog / Nicole: The City Girl In Me / Priscilla: The Best Laid Plans / Jen: Concrete Jungle DC / Janelle: Food Fashion Fitness / Natalie: East Coast Chic

Here are the bloggers that participated in Ez’s Wave No.1 of Things I’m Afraid To Tell You:
Design for Mankind | Little Brown Pen | Beautiful Hello | Curating Style | Sweet Fine Day | The Jealous Curator | Happy Days | Sage & Berries | Really Handmade | Peck Life | Satsuma Press | Rena Tom | For the Easily Distracted | The Hemborg Wife | Vitamini Handmade | Courtney Khail Stationery and Design | Meg in Progress | Dando Photography Blog | Widdershins22 | Alison Citron | Pink Moon Daily | Just Pretty Things | From China Village | Tea with Me | The Darling Ewe | Not Your Average Ordinary | The Electric Typewriter | Elleby Design | Parsimonia {Secondhand With Style} | Life as an Artistpreneur | Hello Cupcake | Dellie | The A & B Stories | Pretty Little Things | Feistyelle | Nib & Zed | Well and Cheaply | I Ripple. I Dance. | Whitfield Awesome Blog | Foxtrot Press | Dry As Toast | The List of Now | Apple Blue | For the Love of | Four Flights of Fancy | Miss Modish | Snapshots & Secrets | Dirty Laundry | Bubby & Bean | Penelope’s Press | Little Nostalgia | Vale Design | Pikaland | Fleurishing | Print Pretty | Vespa Tales | Hazel & Agnes | Amanda’s Musings | Mo’ Funk Designs | Ordinary Mommy | Camp 1899 | In Honor of Design | Liberty’s Yarn | Love, Life & Pictures | Stacey Winters | Owl in the Rain | Living Life Creatively | Emma Elizabeth Clease | I Live in Vacouver Now | British Cream Tea

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40 Comments

  • Reply Tobe | Because It's Awesome May 14, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    it’s terrible how hard we are on ourselves sometimes, isn’t it? but there IS some relief in knowing that we all go through it. thank you for being willing to post this, jessie. it takes a lot of courage!

  • Reply Christina of Profresh Style May 14, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Hey babe- this is perfect, saw this on Sparkling Footsteps post and thank you for sharing this as well. I have suffered from depression myself so I can totally relate my love.- I want to be able to submit my last week’s post about my sexual assault to this. How would I do that? My purpose is to get the message of safety out there. If you happen to know the blogger who’s started this, could you send the link to her? Or send me her email, that would be much appreciated!

    Here’s the link: http://www.profreshstyle.com/2012/05/07/something-personal/

    Thank you babe
    xx

  • Reply Katie Stuart May 14, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    I give you MAJOR creds for sharing all that. I suffer from anxiety and depression as well, and it’s definitely tough. What has helped me is putting my trust in God and knowing He’s always there for me. He is my source of JOY.
    I’m considering doing a post like this myself.

    -Katie
    http://www.allglammedupstyle.com/

    • Reply Trish May 25, 2012 at 6:00 am

      Do it Katie! You are SO very right….God is our source…for ALL things good! thanks for sharing & go ahead…I’ll be looking for some heartfelt sharing on your blog!

      Trish
      http://www.livedecorated.com

    • Reply Jessie Artigue March 8, 2013 at 8:49 pm

      Nearly a year late in responding to this ladies, but I just wanted you to know how much it means to me to revisit this post and see your encouraging words. :) Thanks for both being readers and big blessings to me! XO

  • Reply WebHauteJas May 14, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    love the honesty! we are all imperfect & subject to the craziness in this world!

  • Reply Becca - {extra}ordinary wonders May 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    I agree- you’re brave to share all of this!

  • Reply Natasha Fatah May 14, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Thanks for sharing all this with us Jessie.
    Some of it is hard to say out loud let alone write down in a public forum. Thanks for being brave!

    xoxo
    ~Natasha Fatah~
    ~Natasha Fatah~

  • Reply Chelsea May 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    I am loving this series. Everyone treats their blog differently, and it may not be the place where you share your personal life all the time, but it is refreshing to get these snippets from everyone. I suffer from depression, anxiety, ed, and a slew of mental health issues and I want to thank you for sharing. xo

  • Reply charity victoria May 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    thank you for being willing to share. very encouraging! xoxo.

  • Reply chris @ court + hudson May 14, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Love you – lots and lots! Always here to be your soundboard if you ever need one (because I know how it is. Trust me.)

  • Reply Fer May 14, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Thank you for sharing. We all have burdens to bear, and the load gets lighter when we can share that with others. Thank you for being brave.

  • Reply becky // chipper things May 14, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    This was great. Thank you for sharing. I have my own pile to unload one of these days.

  • Reply Nuha May 14, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    It’s important to be motivated and to push yourself to be even better, but make yourself a deal that for every time you badger yourself for a “mess-up” you reward yourself for your sucess (ummm hellooo bazaar partnership!) you don’t necessarily have to take a trip to italy to reward yourself, just remember that you’re working hard – and it’s paying off. I say this as a person who absolutely loves your blog and looks up to you. You’re awesome, kid!

    • Reply Jessie Artigue March 8, 2013 at 8:50 pm

      This means so much, even many months later, Nuha… Thank you for the important reminder! XOXO

  • Reply Hallie May 14, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Reply Hallie May 14, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Oops! >>

    Love this, Jessie. I can totally relate to you on almost every level — as a fellow fashion blogger and a human being. :)

    It has been so fun for me to watch your blog grow the past year (when I was first intro’d to it)! Your hard work (regardless of where internally it comes from) has never gone unnoticed.

    I really admire you for putting yourself out there. Thank you for your authenticity and for making yourself so easy to relate to!

    xo Hallie
    http://www.coralsandcognacs.com

  • Reply Alex Evjen May 14, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Love the honesty and vulnerability! Thanks for sharing and keepin’ it real. =)

  • Reply kaffesoester May 14, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Thank you for being so open – this way others may find comfort in knowing that they are not the only one with a burden.

  • Reply Lela May 14, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Don’t be hard on yourself, lovely. You’re beautiful and wonderful. <3

    Besos,
    Lela
    Enter to WIN my hotel, afternoon tea and beauty Competition!

  • Reply Sara B May 14, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    Love you Jess Jess. Thankful for your honest heart and know you will touch many people with this post. Wish we lived closer so we could do life together more. But I am always a phone call away :) Hugs to you!!!

  • Reply Gray Skies May 14, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    I’m so glad you shared these things. I can relate to having undiagnosed health problems – I’ve had a bunch of painful health stuff going on for the past year or so, and even though I’ve had dozens of tests done, no doctor can figure out what is wrong with me. It just sucks to be in pain but not know why you’re in pain. You’ll get through this, and I hope a doctor hits on the right diagnosis for you soon.

  • Reply Jessica Novak May 15, 2012 at 12:46 am

    I love that you’re doing this, Jessie! It’s so refreshing when bloggers remind their readers that they’re real people with real issues, and they aren’t alone in it either. I know how frustrating it is to deal with health issues, especially when you’re so young. Thx for reminding me I’m not the only one! :)

  • Reply jacquelyn | lark+linen May 15, 2012 at 3:16 am

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us. We all need to keep it real more often! I feel so liberated just by reading everyones posts

  • Reply cassandra @ coco+kelley May 15, 2012 at 3:46 am

    LOVE you for sharing it lady!! love even more that i’ve gotten to know a *little* bit of you in real life, and i hope that we get many many more of those opportunities in the future!! xo

  • Reply victoria | vmac+cheese May 15, 2012 at 7:00 am

    God I completely relate to #2 and #3. I honestly believe that if everyone in this country could have access to a therapist, we’d all be so much healthier!!! Thank you for sharing the parts about mental health. It’s something people don’t talk about, but they should!

    Can’t wait to see you next week, my dear. :)

  • Reply Lisa May 15, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Hey Jessie! Congrats on sharing :) it’s not easy to struggle with physical and/or mental issues, especially for people that tend to push themselves to always be the best. I struggle with perfectionism and being too hard on myself as well and find it difficult when my body and/or mind don’t live up to my expectations. Lots of luck and love!

  • Reply Kara M May 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Big Oklahoma Hug! I’ve learned the last few years that being vulnerable can really encourage and strengthen people struggling around us. So, big hug & thank you for encouraging us all!

  • Reply Kirsten @ Triple Max Tons May 15, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    I hear you on this one, Jessie. I have the same mental benders that you do…luckily it seems like we both have supportive husbands, but I feel terrible afterwards for putting him through that roller coaster ride. I feel the exact same way with work too – I am really hard on myself, and it something I constantly struggle with. I think a lot of self-employed people go through that (at least I hope it’s not just you and me…ha). Here’s hoping your medical problems get figured out (those are never fun to deal with), and that you start feeling better. Bravo for your honesty…it takes guts to admit that, and remember you aren’t alone!!

  • Reply Kasey May 15, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    Really loved this super personal post, Jessie. I think I struggle with being too hard on myself (and taking a perfectionist approach to everything I do). I think it’s when you share these sorts of insights, you realize that, behind the curtains, everyone is scared to tell someone something! x

  • Reply Elle-Living in Color May 15, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    well, Jesse! Thanks so much for joining this movement! It takes guts, and awesome courage to post personal things like that on your blog. I admire you, and I totally couldn’t tell that any of those things were going on with you! You are so pretty and stylish! thanks for sharing!
    xo, elle from Living in Color.

  • Reply Blythe and Charlotte May 16, 2012 at 12:33 am

    Jesse, this post means a lot to read. I’m in a similar health situation where it’s not totally clear why what’s happening is happening and it interferes so much with my day to day life. It’s so incredibly frustrating and limiting. I guess I’m just trying to say that you’re not alone here, and it was so brave of you for posting this. Thank you for sharing.

    -Charlotte

  • Reply Colleen / Inspired to Share May 16, 2012 at 2:47 am

    Thank you for sharing Jessie! I so relate and I’ve also struggled with depression/anxiety so it’s refreshing to hear another blogger open up. I’m working my way off the meds now :) xo

  • Reply Bree May 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Thanks for being so genuine Jessie! It’s so nice to learn a bit more about the real person behind the blog. It just makes me love your work even more.

    Cheers,
    Bree

  • Reply Trish May 25, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Beautiful! I mean not that you have those issues but that you’re willing to share them with us:) We ALL have something! Most of us have a bunch of somethings hidden perfectly away in our designer purses and walk in closets. I’ve been quite open on my blog….possibly too open…since my father’s suicide Jan 27th life has been down then up then down again. One thing I’ve found is God is good!!! always faithful & loving.
    So there ya have it! I’m blessed to have met you (uh, once) and been turned onto this amazing blog. You are highly gifted & beautiful beyond words!

    God Bless
    Trish
    http://www.livedecorated.com

  • Reply Roxy Te May 25, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Hi Jessie! Thank you for being so candid and open. I can relate to so much of what you said! It takes courage to strike out on your own and on the daily it feels like a roller coaster for sure! Doing what you love is extremely exciting but terrifying at the same time, but know that you’re not alone ;) So happy we participated in this and I found my way over! xoxo! Roxy

  • Reply Laurel Autumn August 24, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Brave post! And its honestly comforting to hear another person’s struggles from the perspective that we are all imperfect and sometimes have to deal with circumstances that we can’t control. Anxiety has been a huge issue for me in the past year and I have done my best to combat it with running (which is new for me) and also taking natural supplements. Fish oil and magnesium are part of my daily routine as well as holy basil. Dr. Weil (http://www.drweil.com/) has been a huge resource for me. He invented integrative medicine and teaches a lot about holistic health. Your post on running was encouraging to me as well as you talked about getting emotional/mental health from that. Thanks again for sharing!!

    http://www.designtruce.com

  • Reply magicweddingdress November 6, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Nice way to express your thoughts.

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